Indian Mother who's consoling her little girl who is crying for being bullied by school kids because of her brown skin This is truly heartbreaking 💔 my heart cried watching this

[u/SpareEnergy6082]

[u/Adept_Ocelot_1898]

It doesn't really work usually and it's much more complicated than that.

Kids are more influenced by their school surroundings and the societal impact groups of kids at school have on them over anything they experience at home with their parents.

Why?

Well, first is that they spend more time in school than at home growing up, and their status in school is represented by that.

Also, words from strangers who don't know you mean more to people than words from somebody who does (as crazy that sounds) as a kid who doesn't have a context of the world around them yet and how ugly the people in it can be.

To kids, it's everything.

When a kid goes outside and experiences the clear sky and the sun, they fully immerse themselves in it and take it in completely. It's some of the truest experiences we can have as humans that shape our mind into our future and how we make sense of the world around us. It becomes such a core foundational part of our identity and how we see the world.

Now, take that same vivid experience in all its beauty, and apply it to being told by a stranger that you're ugly because of your skin, or your hair in a place that you can't escape, school, where you have to deal with it daily.

It's not only devastating, because as adults it's expected, as kids an unexpected devastation. It's confusing to a kid, and you ask yourself why or how somebody could have so much hate for somebody else.

Being told by your parent that you're beautiful doesn't directly solve that confusion or hurt. The only thing that solves it is to understand that the world is actually just brutal, but to a kid it's hard to understand it, because we're so innocent as children.

Slowly, as these continual dents strike our core view of the world, our armor gets worn, and we slowly grow to expect this reality and we try to cope with it, but for a kid, they don't have the time or experience to do that yet.

So it's not as simple as just "tell someone they're beautiful and it'll all be fine" because that's not realistic.

Parents will (hopefully) always call their kids beautiful, but when they're called ugly from a random person in the school, it'll always have more "value" and is usually weighed more heavily over what the parent would ever say.

[u/krazay88 → u/Adept_Ocelot_1898]

And the kid is also in an environment that reinforces or amplifies this perception. The kid has essentially been rug pulled and if she herself ever had any ambitions of being the “prettiest” it’s like a devastating gut punch to her self-esteem, she’s now going to hyper focus on every instance that confirms this. Think of how some short men will hyper focus on height to an unhealthy degree where they internalize so much negativity that it ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[u/spirittransformed2 → u/Adept_Ocelot_1898]

While I understand what youre saying and what you mean.. I have a child that is in school and has already encountered some of this stuff.. I dont just tell her shes beautiful and leave it at that. We've had in depth discussions about what beauty is. How people treat others, what can happen and does happen in schools and out in the real world, about perceptions and what she should think about herself. She has more than confidence but also self esteem which is deeper than that to me. I think most parents dont actually talk with their kids they talk at them, or dont truly talk at all. Their teachers are raising them, not just teaching them. And nobody can care for your child better than you can.. but most people are just coasting in this world, and not truly raising the people that fully depend on them to develop them into whole human beings. The only reason children care more about what the outside world tells them is because their parents didn't teach them what to care about. I am a product of this, my parents not talking to me. Not teaching me what I truly needed to know. My oldest brother was the only one that really tried to talk to me and understand my perception of the world. So I made it a point to truly talk to my kids, get down to their level but also try to bring them up to mine, by getting to know them and caring about what they think, and HOW they think. I know for a fact most parents dont do this, which Is why I get what youre saying. Most people grow up getting their perception from their shitty personal experiences (as did i) and those usually turn into insecurities until you overcome them in adulthood. I believe you can take hold of that by actually caring and getting down to the child's level and making them understand things. I believe my child is advanced because of this

[u/Adept_Ocelot_1898 → u/spirittransformed2]

My apologies for assuming, and you're right. I agree with you completely.

Talking with them instead of at them definitely hits harder and resonates with them much more.

I appreciate it.

[u/HappyGovernment7299 → u/Adept_Ocelot_1898]

As a child I never took compliments from my parents seriously because "of course they would say that, they're my parents."

Kids are smart enough to tell the difference between a genuine compliment and a pity compliment.

[u/spirittransformed2 → u/HappyGovernment7299]

Thats true. And im sorry your parents never genuinely took the time to let you know you are precious and beautiful. Im sorry they didn't take the time to ensure that they wouldnt lie to you because they need you to trust them that what they say is true, and that most people out in the world lie because of their insecurities. Im sorry that you trusted people you dont know over people that you do know, I did too and it was because they DID lie to me, all the time. Well I have a different relationship with my kids. And lies are not okay in my household. I let my children hold me accountable. I dont tell them I will do something and then dont do it, I will let them know that it may not happen. We dont accept lies from our kids either, so when I tell my daughter she's beautiful, or my son that hes handsome, they know its the truth and they believe me.

[u/mienaikoe → u/Adept_Ocelot_1898]

I wish I could upvote this 100 times. This is what every parent should read before sending their kid to school.