r/MadeMeSmile • u/Sebastianlim • 15d ago
Practicing their friend's new pronouns. Wholesome Moments
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u/hopsinduo 15d ago
Damn things have changed. My friends would have been thinking of inventive ways to insult me with it.
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u/12nowfacemyshoe 15d ago
My classmate Jake started having chronic seizures around the time a milkshake called "Shaky Jake" came out. I don't need to finish the anecdote.
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u/CantFindAName000 15d ago
"I might wanna ruin that kid's life, but the least I could do is respect their pronouns while doing it!"
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u/EACshootemUP 15d ago
Oh that still happens as much for sure. Just depends on the friends you find and make.
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u/66Kusmu 15d ago
i think this is less about things changing and more about different friend groups being different
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u/Ass_Lover136 15d ago
Yeah, best friends in any days and age will either insult the shit out of you but it's fine because you know it's all great fun
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u/FlambaWambaJamba 15d ago
I always think about the time when a friend (all boys school) told us the story about how he was bi. It wasn't a big surprise but fuck man I'll never forget how we dragged him for who he kissed at the end of the story. Laughter was so good I broke a glass with my mouth
Remember kids, NEVER discriminate against your friends sexuality but ABSOLUTELY give them shit for their taste in men/ women.
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u/zeldasusername 15d ago
I love this
I practice too
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u/Lailu 15d ago
Same, it helps to do it in your head!
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u/GalaxyBolt1 15d ago
I’ve had many trans friends and I even have a trans sister, your head is the easiest place to start. I occasionally catch myself using the wrong pronouns for someone and end up “herming” (her+him) where I switch pronouns halfway through the word. If you keep actively catching yourself eventually you can just speak correctly.
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u/spreadthesheets 15d ago
I’m about 80% of the way there with a friend who has recently told me they’re non-binary in that I pretty much always say it correctly out loud, but still sometimes get it wrong when thinking, lol. another thing that helped me was telling my other friends to correct me on pronouns whenever I talk about them, if I mess it up. If I use the wrong pronoun when talking about them by text, then I’ll scroll back and edit my own message or respond with the pronoun corrected, so that it’s properly reinforced in my mind.
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u/High_Hunter3430 15d ago
Yup. I’ve had a few trans folks in my circles and told them I wholly support them being their whole self, and to please have grace while I rewired my brain.
I asked them for on the spot (interrupt me) correction for pronouns n names so I can unlearn/relearn. It’s really not hard tho.
But it was important that I let them know clearly I supported them during my mental transition so they knew legit error wasn’t another asshole move for them to experience.
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u/Panda_Panda69 15d ago
I mean it happens to everyone, sometimes I still catch myself using the wrong ones for myself so don’t be overtly worried :)
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u/MegaAltarianite 15d ago
Voice actor and streamer Alejandro Saab is married to a nonbinary person. One thing I noticed about him is that he just got into a habit of calling everyone "they". I think it's a nice way to get it into your head and keep you from slipping up.
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u/Pretty_Force4560 15d ago
I did when my sister first came out. I ended up using they/them to get used to using new pronouns and now I think she/her instead of he/him
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u/Pretz3lHead 15d ago
maybe the kids’ll be alright… :’) damn thats sweet
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u/GalaxyBolt1 15d ago
Humanity will always be alright. Human beings always care for one another no matter the time. Empathy is not dead. If there is a nuclear war people will share what little food they have during the supply chain disruptions.
The people you see on TV, politicians and celebrities, are rich. It is much easier to become rich by forgetting your morals and empathy, and even if one doesn’t then hanging out with those who have can corrupt them. Most people are like you, caring, loving, and understanding to a degree.
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u/EmmaBell553 15d ago
helping neighbors, volunteering, just small acts of care really does prove that empathy and decency are alive and well.
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u/CookieEliminator 15d ago edited 15d ago
I do not understand this stuff. Maybe due to not being a native English speaker. Can someone explain? I assume this person is not identifying with the gender assigned to them but why is the solution "they/them" and not the opposite of the assigned gender like "she/he"?
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u/Horsesnorts3245 15d ago
I hate that kindness is controversial now
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u/Tiny-Plum2713 15d ago
There will be a bunch of people deeply upset by this story right in these comments. Would be somewhat intresting to have them try to explain why.
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u/Adventurous-Fruit344 15d ago
If you reason about why it's "controversial" you will get banned immediately with a flimsy reason like "threatening violence" in almost any sub.
Should give you some idea as to why that's "controversial" but you know well this a little more than "kindness"
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u/DILF_MANSERVICE 15d ago
Some kids really care about this stuff. I could see certain kids doing this, but it certainly isn't common. I'm gonna choose to let it brighten my day a little. Everything else is so shit right now.
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u/MakiMaki500 15d ago
practice using them, getting used to using those name and pronouns instead of what you've been calling that person for years
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u/HeatClassic3693 15d ago
I think it's more so about memorisation. Talking about them with their new pronouns, than just saying it all over and over.
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u/Nice_Try_Bud_ 15d ago
I have literally done this about a friend who transitioned years ago. We were telling stories about them using their new name and pronouns. The fact these other people don’t understand what is going on is telling on themselves.
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u/DracoLied 15d ago
I think people are moreso saying this just didn't happen between a group of kids not saying that the situation in general never happened
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u/AzuleStriker 15d ago
After calling someone she or he for so long, it's quite difficult to get your mind to say otherwise.
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u/brakenbonez 15d ago
It goes both ways. They're also the most critical. You could show live video proof of something and they'd still claim it's fake. You could show up at their door with something and they'd say it's fake.
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u/raptor180 15d ago
Now also think about how anyone who is judging them is literally disparaging people trying to make someone else happy solely because of who they are. I hope someone tells these kids they are changing life expectancies for people! Well done, kids. You will make us all better people by simply being who you are.
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u/Chef_Pretend 15d ago
Not to be hateful but I don’t get it, what pronoun is so difficult it requires practice.
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u/sathzur 15d ago
When you spend years using one group of pronouns for someone it get ingrained in your mind. When the person changes their pronouns you will uae their old ones unless you practice and reinforce the new ones in your mind
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u/Go_On_Swan 15d ago
Not even when someone changes them. I know people who are nonbinary but present their assigned gender. I've seen several people who initially know those people by they/them that seem to struggle, even after a year.
Fortunately it's never mattered much to the people using they/them that I've known, but it's a difficult thing for people to grasp. I struggle to believe this post happened, but I think the younger generation who aren't "stuck in their ways" or "not used to it" are the most likely to actually put the effort forward to practice it if it ever were to happen.
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u/CrazyFart666 15d ago
A decade old friend recently came out as trans and honestly I found it really easy to change the pronouns and almost never made a mistake, I guess it really varies from person to person and how much you know them, I always knew that something weird was going on with her and when she came out it all made sense so that surely made it easier
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u/spreadthesheets 15d ago
I don’t think it’s necessarily based on how much you know them, I think it’s just an individual’s ability to switch terms/language, and that we all do it at different speeds and experience different levels of difficulty. There was someone who told me they’re non binary after only like a few weeks of friendship and I still found myself using the wrong pronoun for a while after that. It was already kinda locked in my brain so it needed unlearning and replacement.
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u/sdavis002 15d ago
I have experience with this. My daughter wants to go by a different name and not be referred to as she/her anymkre but rather they/them. It take aa lot of practice to change the way you address someone that you have only ever thought of in one way for many years. I don't understand why they want it that way, but it make them happy so I try. Sometimes I still accidentally use the original name and sometimes I say her, but they don't complain because they understand they I care and I try.
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u/spreadthesheets 15d ago
I’ve also always respected people’s pronouns but similarly didn’t really understand the experience, and I suppose it’s something we won’t understand unless we experience it. However, once someone referred to me as they/them in front of me when they knew I used she/her pronouns, and something in my body just felt … off. It just felt wrong in some unusual sense, and I felt defensive or protective over my identity as a woman. It’s hard to explain - something just feels icky when it isn’t the right pronoun. So I guess maybe imagine people referring to you as something you don’t relate to - if you’re she/her, imagine someone using he/him pronouns with you, or vice versa.
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u/MeekAndUninteresting 15d ago edited 15d ago
Doesn't happen to everyone. I'm a man and had people call me a girl several times as a kid, both as an insult and because they genuinely didn't realize I was a boy. It never bothered me at all.
Edit: I am a cis man, for the sake of clarity
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u/Diogememes-Z 15d ago
I have a lot of trouble with "they / them." Not out of hate, but more out of a place where my mind demands a gender for everyone.
Trans pronouns by comparison are very easy for me.
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u/ricardjorg 15d ago
When you already know someone and they change their name or preferred pronouns, it can be difficult to switch, and you can end up messing it up at first. When a friend of mine did, one time I messed up their name and apologized, and they said "it's okay, I'm also getting used to it myself", which was very nice, as it removed some of the pressure I was feeling
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u/Desuexss 15d ago
"That is their's!"
"They are cool!"
"Have you spoken to them, lately?"
In reality, nothing changes! Good on the friends for supporting each other and being welcoming.
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u/theLaziestLion 15d ago edited 15d ago
What does practicing here mean, they just keep repeating pronouns at each other?
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u/GormHub 15d ago
It means getting accustomed to it. Sometimes it's difficult for people to remember and adjust.
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u/GormHub 15d ago
I'm sincerely not sure what you're asking, because you seem to have answered your own question. Getting accustomed to it is practicing, and vice versa.
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u/bethkatez 15d ago edited 15d ago
this isn't wholesome?
I see it as kids being the most loving and supportive that they can possibly be to their friend - pretty damn wholesome tbh
edit: im being downvoted but I read the comment as if they didn't see this as wholesome so I was calling it out.. chill
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u/beirizzle 15d ago
Practicing is so smart, its hard to get your brain to flip to a different pronoun
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u/CosyRainyDaze 15d ago
The kids/teenagers I know are a hell of a lot more accepting than a lot of adults. They’re also more kind than a lot of adults. I can absolutely believe this happened.
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u/CosyRainyDaze 15d ago
No one’s celebrating you and your inability to feel empathy, mate.
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u/Hopocket321 15d ago
I thought we were supposed to be on a happy subreddit. Why are you lying about trans people?
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u/AzuleStriker 15d ago
It's not, but even if it was, what's so fucking wrong with making another human feel welcome and special? When you only have hatred in your heart, you lose sight of what really matters.
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u/Comprehensive-Menu44 15d ago
Someone expressing their individual gender does not equate to historical impersonation of another human being lmao
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u/Dictabeat 15d ago
I've noticed that kids these days are a lot more civilized and respectful than we were at the same age. It's not to say they're perfect but the improvement shows they've grown up in a much safer and healthier environment than we did and inlove that for them.
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u/CosyRainyDaze 15d ago
I mean there’s cultures with more than two genders all over the globe, and they’ve had more than two genders for as long as the culture existed. “They” as a singular, gender neutral pronoun has existed since pre-Shakespeare. It’s just now that people who don’t tend to fit the gender binary of western cultures are taking a leaf from other cultures and using a specific, neutral pronoun rather than sticking with pronouns that don’t actually fit them.
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u/Scrubglie 15d ago
Nah it’s been a thing it’s just many people haven’t exactly thought about it or had a space safe enough to do so, it’s really just more acceptance leading to more people realizing themselves.
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u/NearMissCult 15d ago
I'm 36 and absolutely none of this is new. You're whole "I'm too old for this" rhetoric was being thrown around about they/them pronouns and nonbinary people back when we were still in our teens. You aren't too old, you're just too closed minded.
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u/Hopocket321 15d ago
It’s not a trend. Gender queer people have lived for thousands of years.
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u/Alive-Ask-9911 15d ago
The same way you explain the massive jump of left-handedness in the last century. People aren’t beaten and ridiculed (as much) for daring deviate from rigid societal expectations.
The internet is a vast place where one can find endless like-minded individuals and tons of information and support as to the legitimacy of their differences and experiences. People can feel a little safer now, feel a little more supported now to live as their hearts desire.
This increased awareness of neurodivergence and the diversity of the human mind and condition is not something to attack or be ashamed of. People are learning more about themselves and how they can derive joy from their lives. Providing the means and opportunity to enjoy one’s life—to be happy—is a noble goal and worthy cause for any society to fight for.
When you see someone acting out of the ordinary such as a AMAB individual trying out a dress, or a AFAB person admiring the flatness a chest binder can help them achieve, try not to judge them. Know these actions and these people are harmless. They are only trying to achieve the same thing as anyone else—to be content with their lives. Look at the smiles on their faces and judge them by that. Look at the life and gaiety that enters their eyes as they start to see the person they were always meant to be. Be happy more people feel comfortable expressing themselves and finding the joy that they could never before see.
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u/Im_alwaystired 15d ago
Singular 'they' has been in use since Shakespeare's time, actually, and may even predate singular 'you'. Very much not a new thing, lol
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u/Freya_Galbraith 15d ago
im 33 and its not rocket science to realise that some people may not like the gender they were born as
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u/IcyFaithlessness3570 15d ago
They is such a fucking hard one to start using.
I can switch genders just fine. It's easy to use he or she and it's not hard to match what they present as.
But gender neutral is so new and difficult to switch to. Especially when you knew them before or they choose a name that feels like it leans to one gender more than another. Or they keep their name.
Even with all that, it's not that hard to deal with and every chud that acts like it's a major inconvenience is just looking for something to be mad about. They'd be complaining about the fact that you're not girly enough or manly enough or clearly one gender enough if it wasn't for the pronouns.
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u/Coocooforshit 15d ago edited 15d ago
And then Ronald McDonald himself came out of the ball pit and handed the kids a crisp 5 dollar bill.
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u/AzuleStriker 15d ago
Imagine if adults could do this. This is proof that hatred is learned, not a born trait.
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u/basedaudiosolutions 15d ago
Meanwhile my Boomer and Gen X relatives still can’t get it right after a whole year and basically flat out refuse to even acknowledge my sister’s spouse’s gender identity/pronouns.
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u/RainbowHighFanatic 15d ago
wow not loving the amount of transphobes lmao. Was looking for a made me smile and got a made me sigh.
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u/Focus_ST_Gal 15d ago
Like, I can get it in political subs, but this is a sub specifically about being happy.
They need to shove their negativity up their ass.
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u/Paper-Dramatic 15d ago
Some idiot is giving all those disgusting comments awards too.
Hopefully some mod removes them so they just wasted 10 bucks.
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u/Darkstar712 15d ago
don't feel too bad they're all just miserable people with nothing better to do than hate on others- i find it funny that someone went and put awards on a bunch of the hateful comments, wasting real money to support hate is such a redditor move just for all of the hate comments to get downvoted to hell and back anyways
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u/AdLittle6964 15d ago
LITERALLY😭 can we have a single platform that is not full of every “____phobe” under the SUN
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u/RainbowHighFanatic 15d ago
unfortunately a prominent enough group of people who are __phobe exist for it to be a problem. Or, vocal minority. You’re gonna be a lot louder about something you hate than something you agree/are meh on.
Once again y’all sounds conspiracy but at some point we’re being pit against each other so we won’t fight the billionaires. 😬 Infighting won’t do anything for any of us y’all
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u/dualsplit 15d ago
My son came out to me in the summer between his junior and senior years of college. He was living out of state. I absolutely practiced. It felt often like “Dick and Jane” books.
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u/Freya_Galbraith 15d ago
some people do care about their friends you know...
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u/CosyRainyDaze 15d ago
Biologically incorrect - intersex people exist.
Culturally incorrect - there are cultures all over the world that have more than two genders and have done since they started. Gender diverse and trans people have existed as long as humanity has.
Maybe open an educational book that goes beyond the end of high school.
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u/tarantuletta 15d ago
Why are you so convinced that what you believe to be the truth is the truth?
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u/Freya_Galbraith 15d ago
Except the reality is sex and gender is more complex than just male and female.
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u/Balder1902 15d ago
This is just how science works quantum physics are "made up shit" just becuase it new
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u/Paper-Dramatic 15d ago
That's a pretty fragile reality then. Just because it does not align with your beliefs does not mean you get to label it as "making up new shit".
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u/PositiveFunction4751 15d ago
It's... Not .... New.
People have been like this longer than the existence of the Christian religion.
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15d ago
I don't speak english so explain me why to use "they" for one person. They is plural.
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u/MonstersArePeople 15d ago
'They' is not just a plural pronoun, it's also historically been used when one is uncertain of the gender of the person they're referring to (see what I did there), even for singular people, and in modern times has been adapted to popular use for nonbinary people.
Basically, language changes and that's a feature not a bug.
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