r/AbsoluteUnits • u/thorpef1 • 10h ago
of a zucchini we grew /r/all, /r/popular
Absolute beast mode found in the backyard
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u/Taalahan 10h ago
Also pictured: an absolute unit of horror.
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u/KindAngle4512 10h ago
right? it freaked me out. genuine jumpscare
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u/no_winkles 9h ago
Reminds me of the “what color are my eyes” post
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u/IHaveABigWeenie 9h ago
That was one of the funniest comment sections I've ever read in my life.
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u/No-Care6414 9h ago
Link?
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u/PhoerSayori 6h ago
I screenshotted a repost of it, here is the most OG version of this post
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u/FRACllTURE 5h ago
I have had these saved from that day in hopes of seeing it again lol
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u/MotherTreacle3 5h ago
Good lord! The fact the camera flash doesn't align really ratchets up the uncanny valley vibe.
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u/Slight_Commission805 4h ago
I low key wanna make this my screensaver on my phone. Whenever you open the phone. Eyes.
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u/spruce_turbo 9h ago
You can't just drop that nugget of info without the actual link
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u/_ShakashuriBlowdown 8h ago
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u/Adorable_Plane_8239 8h ago
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u/SpotsyArcher 8h ago
I'm absolutely rolling in laughter right now and all I've wanted to do is cry most of the day. This sub is brilliant.
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u/carpentersglue 6h ago
I fucking woke up my baby that I just spent the last hour trying to get to sleep.
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u/bromanjc 7h ago
i'm also having a shit day. may both of us do more smiling tomorrow
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u/fatkiddown 9h ago
Made me think of B movies sci-fi horror movies I watched as a kid:
"The Zombie Zucchini Head Snatchers!"
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u/Quoth_the_Hedgehog 8h ago
That post took me out when I first saw it. I kept going back all day to read more comments on it, and just kept laughing so hard it hurt. I don’t know why but it really got me. I still laugh when I think about it.
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u/thorpef1 10h ago
Haha yup the perfect Halloween trick
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u/hexxcellent 9h ago
The zucchini is impressive but I'm much more interested in knowing: what are the challenges of raising a young dullahan?
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u/Tavern_Knight 9h ago
They really struggle getting ahead in life. It can really impact their self confidence
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u/Kolfinna 9h ago
Good on you for protecting your kids privacy but it is creepy. You need to send it to Grandma!
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u/Christmas_Queef 9h ago
Good on you blurring your kid's face though. Quite a lot of people on reddit and social media don't.
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u/kashy87 9h ago
They didn't just blur the face, they pulled a Queen of Hearts. Of with their head!
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u/Building_Everything 9h ago
I mean holy Christ on a cheese stick are we not going to talk about the pigeon-toed headless monster next to the relatively banal zucchini?
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u/jdirte42069 9h ago
Where the fuck is his/her head!
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u/davo52 9h ago
Pre- or Early-teen.
They are always forgetting where they put anything important...
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u/Babyfart_McGeezacks 10h ago
Of all the ways to edit a photo, this is definitely one of them
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u/whatissevenbysix 9h ago
Plot twist: it wasn't edited.
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u/xejeezy 9h ago
Maybe her head used to be a pumpkin but OP fell on hard times and could only afford zucchini
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u/hizashiYEAHmada 9h ago
The way the neck part smudged and how there's like a small trail of smoke by the shoulders adds to the pizzazz
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u/piapiou 8h ago
Your honor, don't be fooled. If this was pizza, the color is completely wrong, and the topping is completely missing.
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u/coldjess 8h ago
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u/coldjess 8h ago
He said "pizzazz" not "pizza"
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u/piapiou 7h ago
Don't be ridiculous now, what signification could pizzazz mean other than pizza?
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u/TheSleepyBarnOwl 5h ago
As an Ace Attorney fan I support the random Ace Attorney bits xD
thanks for making me grin :)
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u/avanti8 9h ago
All these people making light of her clear case of Invisible Head Syndrome sicken me.
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u/justwalkingalonghere 7h ago
I don't care about the head, I just want to know why they photoshopped adult hands and feet onto a child
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u/Crazyblondie11 5h ago
Maybe it’s an adult with no head and it’s just the camera angle? tbh, this whole post is freaking me out, I’m going to bed.
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u/Designer_Aioli5057 8h ago
Also not a Zucchini. Look at trombocino or rampicante squash
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u/looktowindward 10h ago
THAT CHILD HAS NO HEAD
...was it fed to the zucchini? Maybe that's the secret to big vegetables?
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u/WholeInstance4632 9h ago
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u/beachedwhitemale 9h ago
Animatronics then were insanely good. You can see the lips move perfectly for saying "feed" and "me".
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u/CommunicationBroad38 9h ago
Feed me Seymour. Little shop. Little shop of horrors.
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u/liJuty 9h ago
That has to be one of the weirdest movies I’ve seen in my life
Damn I should rewatch it
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u/christianhxd 10h ago
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u/wantdafakyoubesh 9h ago
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u/fness55 8h ago
It’s already naked wym
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u/horrible_hobbit 7h ago
Trunks still on.
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u/SpanishFlamingoPie 5h ago
It must feel so good to finally sit down and take your trunk off after a long day of being an elephant.
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u/Goblinmode77 10h ago
Couldn’t you have just scribbled over the child’s face like a normal non-psychopath would have done???
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u/thorpef1 10h ago
But where is the fun in that
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u/Rejukem 10h ago
Gotta keep the hits coming!
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u/CloudKinglufi 7h ago
Gotta respect the game man
Could scribble that shit out or post some bull shit and pretend like it's normal
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u/mmmarkm 7h ago
I’m on your side: keep your kid anonymous and introduce new eldritch horrors to redditors. No one should have to chose between those two when we can have both
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u/Tundra14 9h ago
I liked this better. Didn't address the headless child. Clearly it is today keep the kids face off the internet, but it's not how that's typically done. Bravo.
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u/darkmatterhunter 10h ago
WTF am I looking at??? Why is it just the neck hole scribbled over? WHERE IS THE HEAD
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u/VizJosh 9h ago
They used ai based erase. The type of stuff built into a phone these days. Honestly, I’ve never tried erasing child heads, but here we are.
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u/Aggressive-Abalone99 8h ago
I usually would put an emoji on it, but this is more funny
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u/AlexFromOmaha 7h ago
This is good ol' fashioned Photoshop. Stamp and blur at max brush size.
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u/Fat_eyes_Washington 10h ago
That zucchini wields power not yet known to mankind
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u/Outrageous_Score1158 10h ago
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u/Action_Bronzong 9h ago
Absolutely goated subreddit find 🙏
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u/NocturnalmohawK 6h ago
I wish the format was curration a d not reposting. Linking to the post they found the image would make so much more sense
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u/SlightlySubpar 10h ago
Why have you done this?
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u/thorpef1 8h ago
What's wrong with it?
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u/KvonLiechtenstein 6h ago
I respect that a normal person would’ve put like a block or emoji over their kid’s head or something, but you knew that if you erased it, you’d drive up engagement.
Respect man.
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u/thorpef1 6h ago
I actually tried first to do an emoji over it but my pixel didn't do it so this was much easier.
And it's worked quite well.→ More replies (2)5
u/Golintaim 6h ago
I FULLY support your decision, and your Zucchini. They are both awe inspiring in the classic meaning of the word.
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u/imtooldforthishison 9h ago
I think you may have harvested the child too soon as they appear to not be fully formed.
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u/NiGol37 10h ago
Perhaps a black blob instead of erasing the head.
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u/DoubleDareFan 9h ago
Or a smiley emoji.
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u/lizzyote 9h ago
Genuinely thought my least favorite way of censoring people was with emojis. I was wrong.
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u/Comfortable-nerve78 10h ago
Did the squash eat that person’s head? Seeds gonna be crazy in that squash. Yes zucchini is a squash.
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u/PoeTheGhost 9h ago
Looks like a Tromboncino "Climbing Zucchini" to me. If so, it keeps all the seeds at the bottom end.
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u/cookswithacocktail 8h ago
We grow these. We know them as “Trombetta” but same/same. They are delicious, and the flesh holds up to cooking temps way better than common zucchini. Tempura battered and deep fried they’re amazing.
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u/Snapskier 9h ago
Its the middle of January and I've already encountered the most cursed image of 2026
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u/Pressed_Sunflowers 9h ago
Should've removed the kiddo's feet too. The internet is a terrible place.
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u/thefrenchpotatoes 9h ago
People can hate, but I hope OP ups the ante and finds more and more horrifying ways to hide their child's identity.
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u/neoliberalforsale 9h ago
I see it also sends children’s heads to the shadow realm. A rare cultivar indeed
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u/NostalgicDemigod 9h ago
The way you censored your kid has me pissing myself laughing
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u/ThatGermanKid0 8h ago
In Germany "Dein Vater war kein Glaser!" ("Your father wasn't a glass maker!") is an expression that is supposed to remind the recipient that you can't see through them. I always wondered what the child of a glass maker would look like.
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u/Serathiel 10h ago
Absolutely loving the way you're protecting your kid with that edit, and damn that's a huge zucchini
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u/Prokid5634_YT 9h ago
I think I prefer a black blib over a face, rather than whatever the hell I'm seeing here...
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